How to survive a horror movie / by Seth Grahame-Smith ; [foreword by Wes Craven].

Enhanced descriptions from Syndetics:

Written by the screenwriter and producer behind Stephen King's It , and with an introduction by horror icon Wes Craven ( A Nightmare on Elm Street ), this is a hilarious must-read for any horror movie fan-and it just might save your life

Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in anabandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everythingis poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? Ifthe answer is yes, you're probably trapped in a horror movie. Butdon't freak out-just read this book! With it you will learn how toovercome every obstacle found in scary films, including-

.How to determine what type of horror film you're trapped in
.The five types of slashers and how to defeat them
. How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, andother haunted objects
. How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, andother global threats
. What to do if you did something last summer, if your cornhas children in it, or if you suspect you're already dead

So don't be afraid- no vampire, zombie horde, cannibal hillbilly, Japanese vengeance ghost, or other horror movie monster can hurt you-as long as you have this book.